Why Don’t Men Like You?

Why Don’t Men Like You?

I’ve been around for a fair bit now, and while I haven’t had a multitude of relationships over the course of my life, there are certain truths that I’ve come to learn over the course of time. In our modern world, we have come to think that just because society itself is becoming ever more complicated, that must mean that our relationships with the people we care about are also very complicated. We have come to believe that since most of us tend to be very bad at making relationships work, there is some strange secret to success in it.

The real problem with relationships today is that most of us are just too selfish to truly be involved with someone else. We see being with someone else as a cure to what ails us, attempting to fill a hole inside of us with the personality and company of someone else. Our loneliness forces us to reach out to someone, and usually the first person who vaguely matches our criteria becomes someone important in our life and we start investing ourself into them. After a time, though, as the loneliness starts to fade, the things we overlooked for a long time, years even, start to become very evident and we become dissatisfied with dealing with the problems that inevitably arise from such issues.

If your goal in a relationship is to get someone else to make you feel special or to provide you with that warm feeling you get from companionship with someone special, then it’s no surprise that your relationships fail miserably. Emotions trigger chemical reactions in the body that are just like drugs, and like any chemical we eventually develop a resistance to them. And just like any other addictive substance, it ends up requiring more and more over time to get the same high. We all look for the feeling of love or satisfaction, and it’s certainly an important aspect to any relationship, but if it’s the first through fifth items on your list of priorities, then you’re in for quite a lot of disappointment.

New love is especially deceptive because we start out very excited at this new and amazing person we’ve met that seems to be everything we want. We’re getting all the rewards out of them that our hearts tell us we need, not only because we have this illusion about who they are, but also because they’re just as excited as we are and are probably putting in a lot more effort than they normally would. We all go a little overboard when we’re excited.

When the excitement starts to fade, though, you get the “double-whammy” of the illusion starting to crumble along with your partner not putting in as much effort as they used to. The stark difference between how things started and where they are now feels crushing, and you wonder how things got this way. You fail to realize they were never actually as amazing as you first thought they were, and you can’t accept that no person can keep up that level of effort over the long term. You can’t let go of the fantasy, and rather than adjust your expectations, you hold on to your hopes and dreams about what the relationship is “supposed to be”. Because of all these things that seemed to change over time, it begins to feel like relationships are just so hard and complicated.

The reality, however, is actually quite simple: you get out of it what you put into it. You see, a person only looks forward to seeing you when you make it worth their time to be around you. This is why positive people have a much better time of making their relationships work: their partner genuinely likes them and wants to be around them. Nobody wants to be around someone who puts a cloud over everything, and it’s really hard to look forward to spending time with someone who just sucks the air out of the room.

This is where selfishness really starts to cause problems. We get to the point where we want our desires to be met, and when our partner no longer meets our expectations, we start to become resentful. That resentment becomes obvious to our partner because negative emotions have far more impact on us than positive ones. You can prove this as fact when you realize that it usually takes several good acts to make up for a single bad one. One bad evening can sometimes take weeks to overcome.

So you become resentful and you make it apparent to your partner, who then becomes uncomfortable, which pushes them away, which makes you more resentful, which makes them more uncomfortable…and the cycle just keeps making it worse and worse until you decide you’ve had enough and move on to someone else. The sad thing is that in many cases the relationship could work just fine if you could get over your obsessive desire to have things exactly the way you want them and just appreciate the person for who they are. Unfortunately, our society doesn’t promote that kind of thinking. Everything is “what have you done for me lately?”

The answer to the question “why don’t men like me” is quite simple: you’re not doing what you need to do for them like you. Men don’t have a long list of emotional needs that must be satisfied to be happy…at least when it comes to relationships. We just want to be with someone who is a positive addition to our lives. For most decent men, you don’t have to be particularly gorgeous or talented or rich or any of those things for him to genuinely like you. You just need to be the kind of person that makes him feel like you’re a benefit to him in some way. The moment you cross the line into being difficult, you’ve made things a lot harder on yourself.

If you want to get the best out of your man, you have to ask yourself a few simple questions. Am I doing everything I can to make him want to give me his best? Am I being supportive and positive and making myself an asset to him? Or am I being selfish and demanding and unrealistic in my expectations of him? Is it because he just doesn’t love me, or is it because I’m making it not worth his time and effort to deal with me? What can I do today to start getting him interested in me again? Like I said a few paragraphs ago: you get what you put into it.

We live in a crazy time where society tells us that women shouldn’t have to bend over backwards for men in order for them to love them. That’s fine if you want to be a “strong independent woman” who ends up alone for the rest of your life. The truth is the men want what they want, and if you want to have one of your very own, then you have to conform yourself to whatever it is that he’s looking for. Expecting a man to change for you is unrealistic at best, especially if he’s truly the kind of man worth being with.

Now to be very clear, I’m not saying that you should bend over backwards for just any guy. If he’s genuinely a bad person, or is worthlessly lazy, or just doesn’t care about you, then you should walk away immediately and stop wasting your time. But many times women walk away from good men because they mistake disinterest caused by their own demanding negativity for someone not worth being with.

Which brings me to my next point: real men don’t like women who chase them. Men are the hunters and it’s extremely unattractive when it feels like you’re constantly trying to track him down and capture him. Your job is to grab his interest by making yourself worth chasing and putting yourself directly in his view. And I’m not talking about making yourself a sex object or anything as shallow as that. Like I said earlier good men are looking for a positive addition to their lives, not just someone to lust after. Just make yourself a woman who is worth pursuing.

At this point, I need to address an extremely important issue, and that is the wave of offense that this type of thought process is likely to stir up. In our modern time, the idea of expecting a woman to conform herself to a man’s expectations is seen as heresy. The words “how dare you!” come to mind. But the reality is that if you’ve found a man you want to be with, then you have already developed an interest in him, and if he isn’t showing any interest in you then it’s up to you to make yourself interesting to him. You can’t expect him to want you just because you want him. It just doesn’t work that way.

If you’re honestly doing everything you possibly can to make your man want to be with you, and he still doesn’t, well then you know where you stand and maybe it’s time to move on. But if you’re constantly nagging or being negative or making his life harder, then you have no one to blame but yourself when you spend long nights alone crying into your pillow.

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