Just Felt Like Writing

I don’t know if this will get a video, mostly because I don’t really have any specific point that I want to get out of my time writing here today. No earth-shattering, philosophical points or outrage against all the terrible things going on in the world or advocacy for the agenda of returning back to the way we used to think about things in the world. Sometimes you just have an urge to do something productive and as someone who spends a lot of my time consuming content and occasionally producing some, I just decided I’d hop on my platform for a few minutes and write about whatever comes to me.

For those of you who actually follow me on even a semi-regular basis, you’ll know that one of the things I’ve been hoping to do is find some way to make money in a remote fashion so I can travel full time while still making money. Unfortunately, that really hasn’t worked out the way that I hoped, and yesterday I was finally forced to give up living in my travel trailer to move in with my fiancée. Of the various living situations that I hate, being in an apartment is at the top of the list, and while I love that I’m going to be with the woman I love every, I am absolutely disgusted that it has to be in a vulgarly overpriced compartment of a building wall to wall with my neighbors.

This leads to my second issue, and that is the fact that I’ve obviously made a public position that I am a Christian man, and it’s not exactly the best thing that I’ve moved in with my fiancée while we’re not married. Fear not, loyal reader, as it is at the top of the things we will be taking care of as soon as possible. We have no desire to continue down that path any longer than we absolutely have to, and the only reason I finally chose to do it was simply because I don’t really have any other good options. The issue will be resolved shortly and we will move on.

The procrastination on this front was mostly due to the fact that I didn’t want get married before I found gainful employment, because no real man wants to be living with a wife when he doesn’t have a job. It’s perhaps the most degrading thing that can happen to a man, and a good woman will have a hard time respecting her man if he isn’t able to sufficiently provide at least his portion of the finances. It was important to me to figure this out before making the leap of living together and merging our finances, but that decision was taken out of my hands.

All of this being said, the recent changes in my life don’t really have any significant meaning when it comes to the big picture of my life. I’ve been with my fiancée for four years now, and the only difference of moving in is that I’m no longer in my trailer. While that is a major change to some extent, it’s not something that pushes my life forward. I’m still unemployed, I still have no exciting prospects, and I’m still waiting on the next chapter of my life, assuming that’s something that might actually happen in the near future.

For a long time now, one of the things I’ve been hoping for is to get out of the funk I’ve been in for the last ten years. I want to find something that makes money and actually excites me to do it. It is not lost on me that this is a truly privileged position to be in, as most of the population of the world just has to take what they can get and be satisfied with it, and it is a first world problem to be concerned with my career to the point that it causes me genuine anxiety to think about not being able to do something with my life that provides me with a sense of purpose. From an objective perspective, survival should be something we are grateful for.

Living in a first world country with the experience I have, though, means that I look at things from a different perspective from someone who lives in a hut in Africa with two or three other families. The interesting thing about intellectual thought is that you can be grateful that you are not in a position of destitution while simultaneously feeling angst that you aren’t where you wish you could be. It seems fairly unreasonable, but the reality of life is that we’re all on a ladder trying to climb our way to wherever it is we want to be. Just because you’re higher up on the ladder doesn’t mean your yearning for something better goes away.

Of course, one of the things we need to temper this yearning with is the fact that, in reality, there is no end to the ladder. If you look at the hyper rich of the world, you can see the truth of this in action. Wealthy people are just as miserable as the poorest people in Africa; their reasons are simply different. While a starving poor person is constantly worried about their next meal or finding a place to sleep, mega millionaires are constantly worried about keeping their financial empires running. Stress is stress, and while I think virtually all of us would prefer the latter, we have to remember that no one gets a free ride from the consequences of having to figure out how we live our lives.

Anyway, I guess as usual I did finally turn this into something of a philosophical discussion, but I suppose that’s just the way my mind works. My spiritual gift is teaching, and my mind always tries to seek out the deeper meaning of things whenever I’m talking about something, and the natural explainer in me breaks out to expound upon whatever the topic of the moment is when I understand those deeper levels. It turns out it’s a bit harder for me to just have a random post with no agenda, even when I truly do start out with no agenda.

So that’s it for today, I guess. Like I said, I felt like writing and didn’t have anything super important or specific to say, but hopefully you got something out of that. I’m not sure that I have, since nothing I’ve said here really changes anything for me, but at least I got to do something at least a little productive today, and a man always needs to feel like he’s doing something meaningful with his time. Without that, depression quickly follows.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: