How Do You Move Forward When You Have a Wandering Soul?

I haven’t written a real article in quite a little while. My life lately has been one of inner turmoil, despite the fact that I’ve been fairly stable financially since I lost my job a couple of months ago. Since then I’ve been trying to figure out how to move forward with my life, hoping to avoid the same kind of mindlessly boring jobs I’ve been stuck with ever since leaving the Marine Corps, but there just doesn’t seem to be any pathway out of the career I never wanted. There are supposed to be so many “work from home” jobs out there in the virtual space these days, but none of them seem interested in the skillset I have to offer. I’m becoming more and more certain that a dreary office job lies in my immediate future.

One of the things I had hoped to get off the ground over the last few years was to grow my blog into something that might actually pay the bills. I’ve always enjoyed reading and writing, and putting out something that had enough value to support the modest lifestyle I want didn’t seem like something that would be completely unreasonable. Unfortunately, if you don’t know how to game the system to get yourself noticed, you end up being stuck in the land of working for free. The sad fact is that I fall into this category. Regardless of how much of a “techie” I used to be, I just don’t understand this new landscape we live in.

Another avenue I tried to start pushing things forward was starting a video version of my blog on both YouTube and Rumble, but it requires a bit more effort in certain activities I don’t particularly care for than I’m willing to put in, especially when it comes to things like video editing and SEO optimization. It’s really hard to find the motivation to keep going every day when your viewership never seems to increase. There seems to be this artificial plateau that I can’t seem to cross, and I just don’t know how to get around it.

A big part of my problem, though, is that I just don’t have the kind of focus required to stick with anything long enough to make it successful. I’m the kind of person who quickly becomes bored with doing the same thing over and over again, especially if I’m not seeing any progress resulting from the work. I can spend hour after hour grinding at a video game because there are regular intervals where rewards are bestowed, but in real life there just doesn’t seem to be the same kind of carrot. You just keep trying and trying and then all of a sudden you make it. I just can’t find the motivation to keep on trying when I know there’s a good chance I won’t succeed. It’s only worth the effort if you make it. Unfortunately, most people just don’t.

So now I’m getting toward the end of my savings and I’m having to start accepting the fact that pretty soon I’m going to end up accepting yet another job I hate because I can’t figure out how to do anything else. I’d love to start my own business, but government interference makes it so hard to do anything on your own. Want to start a towing business? Well, you need a commercial license and a permit and a business license and a whole host of other things. Want to start a food truck? Well, you need a food handler permit and you have to partner with a commissary and you have to invest tens of thousands of dollars into a state of the art vehicle to pass the minimum standards. It’s no wonder small businesses are struggling. The only way you make it is if you’re already rich.

I apologize if this post is quite a bit more of a complaint in nature than my usual posts. I try very hard to stay positive, but I’m naturally a negative person and holding up any kind of positive energy is very exhausting…especially when nothing seems to be working. One of the biggest things I’d love to do is figure out a way to make my own money, without having to worry about employers or their schedules. It’s extremely frustrating to me to have to have someone looking over my shoulder all the time and micromanaging my day. I yearn for the freedom of self employment.

My biggest dream, though, is figuring out a way to go sail around the world. To get out of the rat race and see things I just don’t have the energy to go after once I’m done being mentally assaulted all day. I would love to help people along the way, running some kind of charitable organization that provides for the people we meet along the way and make the journey into something so much more than sightseeing. Like with everything else, though, I just don’t have the connections or ability to put something like that together. I’m just a normal guy with a normal life, and like most people my dreams are far beyond my means.

As with the very first post I put on this blog, this is mostly venting in a vague hope that putting my thoughts out there in the universe will somehow bring about a change of some kind. I don’t like just sitting around and waiting for something to happen, but short of just submerging myself back into a stupid office setting yet again, I have no idea of how to move forward. It’s incredibly frustrating, and I know I’m not alone. There are so many people out there who wish they could be doing something else.

If only we could learn to just be content.

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